that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
