can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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