why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
