What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
