Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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