A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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