I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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