If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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