New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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