At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
