i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
