Got a toothbrush?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
