We won't sleep together?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
