I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
