Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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