She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
