If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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