some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
