I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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