I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
