Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
