3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
