I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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