I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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