Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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