I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think my moral compass just broke
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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