mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
