i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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