im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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