Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
