The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
