the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
