I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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