I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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