guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's get the cat blown out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
