it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
