Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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