i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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