You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
