yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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