How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
