I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
