How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
