I've blown a few things in my day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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