I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
