ya dads aren't the best wingmen
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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