Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why do cheetos always look like penises
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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