I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
