Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
