Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
