Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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