She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
