it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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