No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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