You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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