WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
