Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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