I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
