I'm going to jail i love you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
