I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
BRING THE BAGELS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
